Remembering Bruce

Today would have been the 82nd birthday of my husband Bruce and even after four years, I miss him still.

Following is a piece I wrote this week for my Creative Writing class and I want to share it with all of you:

 

A TIME WHEN I WAS LOST

on the cruiseUsually I am completely in control and feel I can handle anything.   However, I recall being lost when I found myself completely in charge of everything in my life after the death of my beloved husband.  I have always been so used to having Bruce worry about things like money, bills, decisions on what to buy (after discussing it with me), repairs and other matters.  He was my rock.  I didn’t even realize that he was my rock until he was gone.

I found myself looking at the bills that were due and trying to make sense out of them.  I also found myself looking at a broken disposal and wondering if I should pay someone to fix it or get a new one.  That kind of thing I usually left up to my husband.  After sitting around in stunned silence for a while, I finally realized that I was not stupid and I had worked in an office for many years, handling a multitude of tasks year after year.  I sat my butt down and really looked at the bills, set up a spread sheet on Exel, set myself a budget and felt a sense of relief when I was done.  Good job Connie.

My next challenge was my disposal.  Instead of spending money to have someone repair it, I took advantage of my son and sons in law.  They were all handy and my son in law Adam came over, looked at it and pulled a piece of corn silk out of the blades.  Lo and behold, it worked beautifully.  I realized that I had a goldmine in these men.  I also had never filled my car with gas on my own (yes, I know but I was only nineteen when I married and didn’t even learn how to drive until I was twenty-five).  My daughter dutifully took me to a gas station, bullied me i n a nice way, into holding on to the gas nozzle and with absolutely no sympathy regarding my wining about the smell of gasoline,  the heaviness of the nozzle, etc., made  me fill the tank.  She had no mercy but I knew she was doing it for my own good.  My scariest job was to take the car in for an oil change.  I didn’t know where to go (Toyota, stupid) and finally called, made an appointment and brought a book.  Now I am an old pro at doing that.

Since then, I have bought a new air conditioner and even fixed some things on my own.  I finally realized that I had been spoiled by Bruce and I let him do it.  I liked having him to depend on as it saved me a heck of a lot of worrying.  I hadn’t even driven for many years as he did all the driving.   He was of the old school where the men drove and not the little lady.  Luckily my kids told me to get back on the road driving when my husband became ill.   So I pulled out my rosary beads and got in the car and with sweaty hands on the wheel, I drove and drove around the neighborhood.   Now I am an old pro at driving and going where I want to go without having to depend on other people.

I am no longer spoiled but self sufficient and occasionally rely on the advice of my children and sons in law as to how to take care of things.  My kids think I am a little addled some times but I just ignore it and pick and choose what advice I will take from them.  I am doing ok!

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7 thoughts on “Remembering Bruce

  1. very nice , Connie—-
    I still miss Roy of course—but I had the experience of taking on all that when he became so ill—Still I talked to him about every thing we did—and he was a sounding board,
    even when he had no idea what it was about—
    Sorry, this is really about you and Bruce—you are doing a good job of coping —and in your writing—Keep it up !!

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  2. I DID NOT REALIZE YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT STUFF! I KNEW FROM AN EARLY AGE BECAUSE I WOULD HELP MOM. BUT IT DOES NOT SURPRISE ME THAT YOU ARE ON TOP OF YOUR GAME NOW. THAT IS A GREAT CLASS!

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  3. Loved reading your post, Connie. You have really come a long way, and I am proud of you. On top of all that you’ve done to become so much more self-sufficient, you got yourself out and started taking a writing class…and look at you now, with a blog no less! I am so impressed! And I bet Bruce would be, too. I think taking care of you in the ways that he did was his way of expressing his love. He was such a sweet, gentle and nurturing person, and he loved his wife and family very much.

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  4. I think back on my divorce. I relied on him for so much too. He could fix anything, but the first time I accomplished one of “his jobs” I was so proud of myself. It is true what they say: what doesn’t kill you, does make you stronger! But we can’t do anything without the love & support of friends & family. Bruce was a super great guy who I remember so often. Be well my friend. This was such a wonderful heart-warming story you wrote!

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  5. Connie: That was so beautifully written. I am writing this thru my tears, Bruce was such a gentle man, I never heard him raise his voice. We still talk like he is with us (He is in our hearts) We share so many wonderful times with both of you and many laughs. I hope I I go first, I wouldn’t know what to do, since he does it all now,esspecially since I can’t do a lot now. Keep up the beautiful writing, Love to all,
    Mary Ann and Skip

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  6. this was a great entry and really made me miss poppop. he treated you a lot like david treats me – i’ll have to be careful not to get spoiled too. 🙂 love you nana!

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  7. oh connie
    that is beautiful – it brings so many memories of the times all of us were together
    gene and I miss him soooo much but are thankful we havenot lost touch with you and your wonderful family,.

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